A Hop, Skip, and…
That’s when we have to wake up and smell the coffee. Because if we’ve just been sort of relying on our cleverness, or you know, just kind of floating along, Saturn comes along and… Hits you over the head. Hits you over the head. Hits you over the head and says, “Wake Up!” It’s time for you to get real about your life and sort out who you really are.
Wake Up!
Get Real.
- Saturn Returns Interlude by Ariana Grande
New York | 2025
I had long forgotten that I had noted the day Saturn returned to Aries half a decade prior, but seventy-six days before my twenty-seventh birthday, I put on my birthday outfit. My birthday was never my favorite. Expectations were always high, and the reality was always underwhelming. I’d already agreed to throw a joint party, but the best thing about my birthdays was:
1. The midday nap I allowed myself.
2. Quiet/quality time with my best friends.
3. As many pastries as I wanted.
4. The dress I’d buy without any justification other than… it was my birthday.
The outfit I’d purchased sparkled, but my spirit felt dimmer than ever. I was… stuck. My best friend of nine years always told me that it was never in my nature to just sit in shit. I’d always known exactly what I wanted and didn’t care if I had to drive blind to get there. Sure, I had taken the time to calm down my nervous system, and a healthy baseline was important, but my life had completely flatlined. I had stalled. No purpose, no direction? Hiding away in a tower? That wasn’t me. I always did best in motion. I went to bed thinking,
Seventy-five days… I have seventy-five days until my twenty-seventh birthday. I need to make some changes.
Seventy-five days. One change a day. Even the tiniest of risks count. Seventy-five days to push past my comfort zone. There were some courses I’d been eyeing and career changes I was afraid to want… and yeah, there was a guy I’d met that made my mind wander. Start small and build up. Didn’t matter that I had no idea what direction I was going; I just needed to start moving. The changes started small, microscopically small. Changes in my skincare, makeup, hair styling tools, daily and weekly schedules, and the way I manage my personal time. It was not a glamorous challenge, as a lot of it was meant to change internal wiring, as opposed to an outside reflection. I had been wanting to step back into jewelry, step back into writing, step back into love, step back into the bold and free spirit I had pushed to the side in rank. By day fifty-four, I was feeling ready for a bigger leap.
At twenty-seven, I retired from the big birthday bash. I definitely preferred something quieter with my closest. The day was a wonderfully quiet afternoon, followed by dinner with my very best friend from college. I was happy that I had dedicated the day of my actual birthday to some wonderfully quiet time and dinner with my best friend from college.
I was preparing for my time to be fully mine again. Paris for school and a bit of family time with a distant cousin, and Nice to see a dear friend I had met in Italy, who has always been such a light—a girl whom I had only met through Chance, Fate, and Timing. We had celebrated my twenty-sixth birthday together. We came from very different cultures, but we often shared similarities and were always open about sharing viewpoints. A few years apart with many miles in between us, we felt like sisters. Our trio prefers quiet mornings with coffee and a light breakfast. This is when we gather the final map and alternative options for the day. We walked across borders, dined by the water, and selected additions for our closets and homes. Our best conversations are on roofs, around tables, with a view, or walking through the streets of towns and cities. Twenty-six certainly had a few bumps, like a literal earthquake in New York and a breakup, but the girls made it feel the most special. Magical through it all. Every detail, down to the perfume.
I had always travelled with family and friends. Never before had I done a solo trip. What better way to find out than to just go for it? A few classes, to pray to the Jewelry Gods. Eat all of the pastries I can. Stroll through the parks and listen to the sound of rain falling upon the streets of Paris. Write like I said I would when I first sat for an espresso with my best friend, who had blonde bangs. She swore by the round brush and hair dryer combo. I had booked my classes on Day 55 and my flights on Day 56 of my Personal 75 Hard Challenge for my return.
~
She had given me a call and said,
“I really love that for you. You deserve a trip like that. You’ve worked so hard all these years. You really did the damn thing. I’ll never forget when we first went to Paris together—ordering Croque Madame’s and drinking espresso and looking up at the sparkling Eiffel Tower. And during finals at the castle, when we were all applying to internships together. You’re going to have the best time. I just know you’re going to bring some sweet little treasures back.”
She was in LA and had been there for years, and we always made the effort to call and coordinate meet-ups when we could.
I hadn’t been back to Paris in seven years. I wasn’t sure what or who would be waiting for me when I returned. I wasn’t sure what my tales would be or who I was to become, but I was about to make the leap with a running start. And I’d pray that all of the Gods smiled down upon me and the unknown path. Of course, I wanted to hear from him. The first thing I played when I touched down was an album he showed me. I didn’t know it at the time. That I had noted Saturn’s return to my star sign all those years ago.
A Love Letter
Written with Honey
